My life, thoughts, stories & poetry

Here you will find out things going on in my life, my search for a Master, poetry i love & stories i have written or am working on.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

"The Shoe Box, a Master's Gift" by Lord Colm & jade

Sitting on the floor near the couch rests a shoe box. It's plain, a bit out of place where it is, and shows signs of frequent handling. Looking at it brings back memories of two days filled with confusion and tears to the two people seated in the living room.

Those two days were long ones, 48 hours that seemed like an eternity. It began over a simple event, now that we have hindsight, but its effect, at the time, was devastating. A simple misunderstanding, feelings that were hidden, thoughts that weren't shared, and walls that went up quickly to shield a wounded heart. Recovering from those two days took time--lots of it--but once the healing had taken place, the shoe box made its appearance.

"Pet, we cannot have a thing like this happen again. Do you understand?" Master said with a weary edge in His voice.
"Yes, Master, I understand," I answered as I lowered my eyes, knowing full well I had upset Him terribly and was going to be punished.

"Come here. Take your place here at my feet," He said. I moved quickly and did as I was told, bracing myself for what was to follow. I'd never angered Him before and I was still regretting the icy silence that I'd fallen into for those two days. It was a terrible time and I'd never felt so alone and and unable to do anything to make it better. It would almost be a relief to be punished so some of the guilt I was feeling would be lifted.

"Do you know what this has been like for me, pet? Can you understand the frustration I felt not knowing what was wrong or what I could do to help you? As your Master I must do something to teach you that this is unacceptable behavior and could seriously damage our relationship," He said with a surprisingly gentle tone to His voice.

"Yes, Master," I replied, still unable to look up into His eyes and see that disappointment in them again. As I stared at His feet, I heard sounds as He shifted His body in His chair. "Here it comes," I thought, as my mind flashed images of the many tools Master owned that could be used to deliver the punishment that was coming. My body braced as I felt His hand touch my shoulder.
"Look up, pet. I have something for you and I want to explain how we will use it to prevent a reoccurrence of your unwillingness to communicate with me," said Master. My heart nearly stopped and I dreaded to look up and see what was waiting.

Slowly I raised my eyes and saw the shoe box resting on His knees. "A shoe box?" I thought, knowing I wasn't about to be given a present for the things I'd done. As His hand pushed the box toward me, I looked up and saw Him indicate with His eyes that I was to take it. My hands were trembling as I picked it up and noticed that it was nearly weightless. My mind was racing, searching for some rational reason that He'd given me this box.

"Go ahead and examine it, pet. You'll find it's empty," He said and watched me carefully as I removed the cardboard lid and looked inside. "This box reminds me of the way I felt for two days...empty," His voice said in a firm tone. He reached for a pen and small piece of paper and wrote as I knelt there and observed His every move, still wondering when my punishment was going to be handed out. He finished writing, laid the pen aside, folded the paper and handed it to me. "Pet, read this paper, memorize it, and then put it into the shoe box," Master spoke in His deep voice.

I unfolded the paper carefully and read the words that He'd written there. 'I will not keep things from my Master. Doing so builds walls between us.' After I'd read it a few times, I refolded it, put it into the box and looked up at Him.

"Do you understand those words, pet," He asked as I nodded my head. "Then put the lid on the shoe box and give it to me," He said. When He'd taken the box, He set it on the floor near the couch and continued. "This box will remain here where you can see it, so when you need to refresh your memory you will open it and read that piece of paper again. From time to time we may need to add a piece of paper to help you with a new problem we'll face. Now stop looking so apprehensive. It's over."

As tears flowed down my cheeks I asked, "Master, are You not going to punish me for what I've done? I'm so very sorry I hurt and disappointed You, Master."

"No, pet, I'm not going to punish you further. You've done enough of that already," He said in the most tender voice. "My job is not to punish you, but to teach you how to do what I wish, what I feel is best for both of us. I've given you a tool to overcome the things that are hindering you and I do expect you to use it. Should this same thing happen again I may have to use another method." This time His voice was sterner and I understood the meaning behind them completely.

Over time, the shoe box has collected a few more pieces of paper that have words that I've now written in my heart as well. Each hurdle we've faced and later overcome has added to the contents of the box. Every strip of paper taught so much more than a stripe on my flesh. They remain to teach again and again those lessons and I'll always treasure the shoe box gift from a true master, my Master.

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