My life, thoughts, stories & poetry

Here you will find out things going on in my life, my search for a Master, poetry i love & stories i have written or am working on.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Nothing much happening today, I'm struggling with my leg due to an accident I had on my brother-in-laws ninja last week, my right leg has a pretty wicked burn and needless to say it sure isn't hurrying up healing. My mom said today that she thinks the leg looks a bit swollen, so my sister's going to call her brother-in-law to see if he could possibly get me a different type of antibiotic.

The leg bothered me so badly that I couldn't even take my evening walk, I made it up to the corner and had to turn around and come back home. Though it looks much better it sure doesn't feel that way.

While talking to Sir Darque earlier today, there looks like I may get the chance to go visit Him sometime next week. I sure hope so, as I really miss seeing Him. We haven't set any specific dates yet, but hopefully it will be during the time He has off so we have much more time together.


Sunday, August 27, 2006

Well this past Wednesday I celebrated my 41st birthday. It was a wonderful day, though my mother brought home a HUGE cake. Since I've been dieting, I thought it would be more of a challenge than it actually was, me and the cake in the house . . . I won and stuck to my diet. I'm very determined now to get the rest of this weight off. I'm down about 45# and have another 30'ish to go. I've never sat down and thought about a desired goal weight, I've just kept going until I get to a point where I feel comfortable, and I'm not there yet. Though I'm a lot more comfortable than I use to be, I've got a long way to go.

Last night, my daughter and I went to a concert at Peabody's. They had 4 bands, one of which were friends of hers from High School. They were wonderful and I got to meet them as well. She also ran into quite a few of her friends (made me feel OLDER than I wanted to feel LOL) from High School, a couple of them I knew. She did run into an old friend of hers, his name was Nick who had a friend with him who's name was Daniel. Daniel was just too funny and too drunk I think. He kept hitting on me throughout the night, telling me that there was no way in hell I was Jessica's (my daughter) mother because I was so beautiful and didn't look 41. Well that sure boosted my ego, with his little 25 yo butt!

But we had a wonderful time, and just to let you know . . . I drank way too much last night and I'm through with that for a while.


Monday, August 21, 2006

Learning To Trust Again

I’ve always believed in the importance of trust,
Even though others made that almost inconceivable to do.
They told me things they knew I’d desired to hear,
Rather than the truth which caused me torment and pain.

How do I learn to trust again, that’s a good question?
I find even when You have given me no reason to doubt you,
Some of those painful thoughts flood my mind, bringing back in the doubt.
And I don’t want that to happen again.

I want to trust you, there has got to be a way.
I don’t want to disappoint you again, I only want to please you.
Be patient with me as I know you can,
I will do my best not to let you down again.

I’m not perfect, and may fall down from time to time,
Just tell me you’ll be there, to pick me back up,
And point me in the right direction.

Written for: Sir Emil
By: Dayna
August 20, 2006

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I just got back today from a wonderful 5 days with Sir Darque. I think that the time spent together was very productive and W/we had a lot of great conversations. The more I learn about this Man the more I enjoy being with Him.

Though home life has kicked me back into reality, I haven't even been back 7 hours and it seems the stress is steadily rising.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

It seems that as of yesterday my father was doing no better and wasn't able to come home. For some reason the antibiotics aren't getting rid of the infection and the doctors feel they need to explore other options. They plan on doing more tests, x-rays and bring in an lung specialist to figure out what's wrong.

He was feeling better today though and in better spirits though he is quite tired of being in the hospital. Hopefully he will be coming home soon.

Yesterday was also a wonderful day speaking with Sir Darque. I got a lot of time with Him via online and afterwards on the phone. I think it was a very productive conversation actually and I found out some things that have really had me thinking today. Also He gave me a few tasks to complete (of course I had to ask for them LOL) which are already done and the e-mail sent.

He had me read over a wonderful site and it really had me think about things. The site is The Five Love Languages and well worth the read. We also spoke of seeing each other again, sometime after my father is out of danger, and for possibly 2 days this time. I am very excited about that possibility.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Hi everyone!

Well I will be leaving out soon to visit my father in the hospital. They have moved him from the heart unit of the hospital because they have finally determined it wasn't heart related, and indeed double pneumonia, to a recovery floor where he will be treated with antibiotics and rest. God knows he needs the rest after all the turmoil that's been going on within our house lately.

I went out with friends last night which was fun. We went to a local bar and had a couple drinks (I'm not much of a drinker) and then to the club to do some dancing. I had a wonderful time last night, not that I was surprised. The weight that I have lost has made a huge difference in the type of men that approached me that's for sure, or perhaps it was a self confidence thing. I've always heard that someone's self confidence shines through regardless of looks and though I have always considered myself pretty self confident . . . Perhaps I allowed that to shine a lot brighter last night than normal.

I didn't get a chance to speak to Sir Darque last night, He is working such awful hours over the weekend and I can only imagine He went home and passed out. I have tried to keep that fact in mind so that my past experiences don't flood my brain and cause psychosis LOL. I have spoken to Him about these things that worry me, or that have happened so that He understands the abandonment issues I have had and the trust issues that have effected me. I am doing my best to retrain my thinking from the past. That is why I am writing it in here which is where I am going to leave it & continue on with my day. Another submissive told me that when I have challenges to write them in the blog and LEAVE THEM THERE. So I'm trying that.

I missed speaking to Him last night and honestly had hoped that He received my email and would have given me a call. I guess I worry because I thought that perhaps He didn't think about me as I did Him. Reality says that He was tired and didn't get on the net or even get my messages but this morning when I still didn't hear anything it worried me. I AM going to learn to deal with this as He promised me that if anything changed HE would be the first to let me know.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Yesterday was a bit of a difficult day for me, seems that has been the case frequently for me over the last few days. My father had a scheduled colonostopy yesterday morning but was complaining since quite early of chest pains and couldn't even bend over and put on his own socks . . . I had to.

Around 9:00 a.m., my parents headed out to the hospital for the test, I remained at home waiting for my daughter and grandson to get home. 10:00 a.m. everything all changed when my mother called the house. They were not doing the colonostopy, they had rushed my father to the emergency room because they thought he was having a heart attack or stroke.

The hospital ran some tests, found a minimal amount of fluid around his heart, a spot on his lung and they think that possibly he has double phenomena. Now, knowing the difference between a stroke and phenomena I was a bit relieved to hear phenomena rather than stroke/heart attack because of the expected outcome and recovery.

They decided around 4:00 p.m. to transfer him to a different hospital so there could be more tests done and they could admit him. My mother called right after they transferred him to let me know he had made it fine and the wondering began all over again. They never jotted down on his paperwork that double phenomena was the diagnosis, there was no diagnosis. They are treating him as if he does have phenomena with some medications, but we just don't know yet.

I do hope sometime today they will finally figure out what is going on with him and it is something that he can get over quickly and completely but I will keep everyone posted.